Love, Sex and Marriage

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Valentine’s Special

This is the Valentine’s week and love is in the air or is it? I recall the interaction I had with Gurcharan Das in December last year on the occasion of his latest book launch – Kama the Riddle of Desire. The book largely deals with a married man who gets attracted to a lady he shared a train ride with from Bombay to Poona.

In my discussion with Gurcharan Das, I asserted that Amar – the protagonist of the book – was in the dilemma he was in due to mismatched expectations. Now Love is an emotional requirement, Sex an evolutionary biological requirement while marriage is a social requirement. In medieval times the institution of marriage was the social construct within which amorous love ought to be found and procreational sex be legitimatized. In current times the very fabrics of this social constructs have been stretched. Today it is not uncommon to find people licitly married to one person, yearning for lurking love in another while craving carnal sex with a third or any number of permutation and combination of such desires. Instead of trying to fix love that is lost, we find it more convenient to go for quick fixes. While this may result in ephemeral bliss it leads to a hollowed satisfaction and despair.

In this day and age we like to walk away and do a “fresh start” as opposed to “investing” in our existing relationship. Will it be easy? No! Is it possible? YES! If you are a man reading this then in your pocket you have the largest standing army in the world! The number of kamikaze sperms in just one drop of semen is more than all the soldiers in all the armies of all the countries of the world put together! Human sperms come in three types: 

Sterile – These are useless. Just fillers. Don’t do much. Except provide volume

Fertile – These are the ones that are capable of producing new humans

And lastly the Kamikaze sperms (Suicide Bombers) – Their job is to kill sperms of other men (which may be present in the same vicinity). Think about it – Why do we as a species need such sperms? Because sperms of one man are competing with those of other men. All wanting to fertilize the same egg inside a woman’s body. Survival of the fittest! Kamikaze sperms are needed (and an evolutionary necessity) if humans are polygamous. And guess what, 40% of sperms are Kamikaze!

Enduring bliss can only be found when our emotional, biological and social bonding is in harmony. Harmony exists when we look for all three elements in just one person. Don’t try to slice and dice the three pillars of harmony and have a piece meal approach to relationship. Human mind is very powerful and we are bestowed with Free Will of making choices. Mind will tell a diabetic person to eat more sugar. It is Intelligence which will tell the person to control the mind and make decisions which result in long term well being. Whether we use our mind to wander us or our intelligence to guide us is totally our Choice. Depending on what choice we make we shall have the consequences. There is no running away from that. After all that is how the law of karma works – The Actions you take, shall have reactions.

Just like forgetting is natural and we need to really make efforts to remember. Same is true for relationship. You need to make efforts to keep your relationship. Biologically we are programmed to forget. It takes special efforts to remember things. Biologically we are also programmed to be polygamous – To have more than one partner. But just because we have a propensity to forget, we don’t stop learning. Do we? Just because we have susceptibility to be polygamous, shall we cheat? I shall let you decide for yourself.

This Valentine’s Day let’s aim find that everlasting bond where all out three needs are met.

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