To comment or receive more such wisdom, please register on www.gyanalogy.com/login

Love knows no boundaries

Nobel Laureate John Nash says, “It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found”. Truly, only love will create stories to tell, rest all will be obsolete someday. It is better to be hopelessly romantic and pick up the pieces of broken heart every time rather than sitting and counting anything else all the life!

I do not believe in blocking a date for love. Love is an everyday celebration. If it is not so then whatever it may be, but it is not "love". However since February is celebrated as the month of love, I explored “love”. Love & Relationships are major pillars of a happy life along with Jobs & Careers and Health & Well-being. I tried to ponder over to find if there is any “love” around us anymore or is it all about instant gratification?

Love is an emotional need, Marriage is a social need and Sex is a biological need.

Ideally, the foundation of any marriage should be laid on love, and love is an individual choice, hence I went on to pick up people who married for "love". Our heroes are very much among us and not restricted to movie screens, who overcome the challenges and live a happily ever after life on their terms.

She had a corporate career and currently on a break from the career to be with the kids. He is a media professional. Based in Bangalore, together they weaved a beautiful love story. I see this wonderful couple parenting two lovely kids, and dealing with the ups and downs of life strongly standing for each other. When her mother had fallen unwell he took care of the kids single-handed as she travelled to her mother to dedicatedly take care of her. When there is a problem in his family she is all set to run around and solve it with what it takes to.

So how did it start?

She says, “Got introduced through my roommate. He wanted to improve his diction and inflexion.” It took them seven years to get to know each other and accept each other's inadequacies, steer towards the future amidst misunderstandings and egocentric selves and working on them through verbal communication to arrive at the destination – Marriage. I would leave it at “being together” because a formal or legal work out is not necessary. Being together in a relationship is a kind of degree in management itself where you learn to manage yourself emotionally, financially and socially for a greater cause - family.

How do they handle differences?

“By learning to accept the person as they are. Some negative traits do change when we introspect and work on each other's flaws.” This might sound too poetic here, however, I have to say that we do not fall in love with a body, but we love a soul. When we are determined to not give up, we do tend to change ourselves.

She mentions he is an amazing parent to kids. His intuition is always bang on about people. Both are from creative fields and he seems like a critic. She complains, “He misunderstands me most of the time.” He emphasizes, “She is not a perfectionist and needs a lot of motivation to work upon herself.”

Are they any different from other couples? She says candidly, “We have never gone out on a date after marriage. We never had a honeymoon”. They prefer spending time with kids and each other. There is no perfect formula to perfect happiness if it works for them who can stop?

Do you see anything that is objectionable in the abode of this lovely couple?

At least nothing to threat the society, however, they had an interfaith and inter-community marriage. Kate is an Assamese Catholic and Hari is a Tamil Brahmin. As a matter of values, they respect each other's ways of worship, rituals and customs. They believe there should be no force or emotional blackmailing when it comes to religious matters and children. Differences with in-laws need to be worked on and communication is the key.

Their Mantra for successful married life:

“Never have inflated egos, never let misunderstandings occur. Never be judgmental. If either one is hurt, then state it clearly and work on ‘Why?’ Apologize. Do not repeat what hurts the other. Shed egos and work on the Marriage. Respect for each other. It is hard work but very rewarding.”

I can see the reward in the happy faces of their kids. They follow my golden 3Cs in their journey together - sMiles Together. A lot of misjudgement and misunderstanding happens when there is no verbal communication. Whenever they had misunderstandings they resolved it in a calm and composed manner. Whenever there is a bottleneck they first try to understand, evaluate the situation and then bring clarity to the table.

Are you marrying for love? Or the reasons are different?

Is it the best time for society to accept interfaith marriages when two individuals choose to break the norm? Like all marriages, interfaith marriages too can be successful innings if balanced in the right way, let us not label them. Marriages are the union of two individuals, let them choose happily. Are you in an interfaith marriage? Do you relate to this story? What are some of the challenges you face in your marriage?

Leave a comment below.

(Names changed)

Author: Paromita Bannerjee - Paromita is a leader in People Practices with a knack towards solving problems. An IIM Bangalore alumna and a story visualizer, her focus is on bridging the gap between education and industry by supporting fresh graduates to kick-start their career and helping the women to return to the workforce after mandatory breaks.