LockLove in LockDown

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Stay in love while staying together! Make it work like a PRO!

Indian Express: June 8, 2020 - Lockdown impact: Divorce, child custody cases spike across country, Mumbai tops chart

Latestlaws: May 18, 2020 - Divorce in Lockdown: Is it possible? World is asking

The Guardian: June 17, 2020 - Post-lockdown divorce: jump in number of Australian couples seeking help

Above were the few of the headlines in media, and then there are innumerable calls from the friends and acquaintances. We are stuck together 24/7. Is this what we expected in a relationship?

Everything was going fine, we had our ‘lives’ in corporate jobs and thereafter till the great COVID19 hit us. We were used to a routine with our spouses whether it was both working or with one staying-at-home. However, it’s been the last few months that now both are staying under the same roof for 24/7 whether it is with work from home option or otherwise.

As individuals, we all are facing the challenges, and as couples, it is more of monotony. We did not make it to break it. Breathe...

Solutions, how to overcome it?

BE A TEAM. Whether it is household chores or figuring out the work hours try to compliment each other’s schedule rather than complaining all the time. Complaining too much looks like nagging to the other person and other than solving the problem, it aggravates.

RESPECT. Respect each other’s job even if the other one is a staying at home spouse, appreciate the efforts. Every job in existence is important to complete society.

DRAW the line. Draw the line between work-life and personal life. Utilise these stuck days to spend time with your family. Friends, work come and go, the family takes you long, value them.

EXPLORE. Whether it is a new relationship or 5, 10, 15 years, people evolve and we tend to miss noticing the changes in the hustle-bustle of our busy lives. Explore each other in all aspects, bedroom to the living room, you may fall in love with something new in them.

ROMANCE. Keep the romance alive. No matter how monotonous the days are, take out time to be romantic, we are not romantic with everyone on the earth, if you are stuck with the other half why not put some fun with your gestures genuinely to express your affection.

  • Have gratitude, thanking makes the other feel valued.
  • Compliment each other, makes the other person feel good.
  • Apologize generously. No one is perfect on this earth.
  • Keep the ego aside, relationships are always beyond ‘egos’.
  • Order some gifts, or their favourite ice-cream out of caringness.
  • Have “Date-Nights” at home, will make you both feel special.

CHORES. Mandatorily divide the chores at home, go with the specializations of both and swap the ones you both hate daily or weekly.

KIDS. If you have kids, pay attention to their needs, you were not stuck like this in your childhood, for them as well it is difficult. Spend some time with them, keep them engage, let them video call their friends, accept a few of their demands. Allow them space.

SPACE. Even though stuck together, however, allow space to each other, it helps to find oneself and be committed towards other’s need as well.

SELF CARE. Looking like an eye-candy got its benefits which we cannot deny. Take care of yourself both mentally and physically so that you can take care of others.

I LOVE YOU. Love is there so you have come this far, however, the phrase “I love you” is magical, lyrical. Go innovative, and keep reminding them how much you love them.

UNDERSTAND. Understand that if you are struggling, so are they. Stand as a support to deal with the career and home together.

How are some of the couples spending their LOCKDOWN days? Let us take a look.

  • Chayan and Sukanya, Mumbai, Years of Marriage: 17

Chayan is an IT professional and Sukanya is a teacher with two teenage daughters. In their words - “Every new thing is a bliss, the initial days were so very blissful and fun. Doing things together without the house help coming in. Kids were super happy because of unexpected vacation and freedom. We thought everything is going to be fine in a few days. But as days passed, things started becoming irritating. Kids got restless. Our online workload started increasing.”

However soon they came up with their formula to make it a WIN-WIN.

Chayan enjoyed being with family these days, as a physical presence at the home created a new and revived the relationship altogether. Days are refreshing and energized. They let the kids to be free and found the elder one becoming a Chef in disguise whereas the younger one is keeping the family entertained. They feel that the relationship is healed because of this break they got together as Sukanya earlier felt Chayan is not attentive towards her. They suggest not to be rigid with any opinion, balance it out. Allow space as they do when Chayan prefers getting into his work, Sukanya turns to her dreams of writing and drawing.

  • Ritu and Vivek, Bangalore, Years of marriage: 15

Both are IT professionals, where Vivek took a break to try out different things. They have a son aged ten years. They think life is beautiful now because Vivek always thought as Ritu climbed the corporate ladder she had no time for the family. Earlier they took each other for granted and now they got some quality time together. From watching different programs on different TV sets before the lockdown to complimenting each other’s schedule and sitting together with the same things was a happy journey. The discussions they had together during these weeks made them start a YouTube channel, an Instagram page and a home-chef business - which was a dream of Ritu. Not going out during weekends for clubbing, movie etc is helping. Ritu admits that Vivek is contributing more to household chores. The fight is on, but vibes turned sweeter, and while reminiscing they became emotional. They were concerned about their son however, he is mature on his own. As parents, they are not worried about the studies or session at school. They want him to be happy and jovial with this new normal. He is also adapting to the new normal and getting used to virtual classes instead of regular school. Yet connecting with all of the friends in the apartment via video calls. Too much TV and mobile are a little concern which they are trying to cope by spending more time together.

  • Giti and Rakesh, IT Professionals, Years of Marriage: 5

They think that lockdown helped them to get more closer. They are reminiscing all over and falling in love again. Earlier they had a hard time beating Bangalore traffic & work, the weekends were busy with friends, parties and household chores. Now they are together all the time and divided all chores to keep a balance. Trying to know each other more, they are also trying out various board games to keep the boredom at bay. Together they have two dogs Angel and Scooby, few fishes and Giti is fond of plants, she has over hundred plants and taking care of plants is like self-care for her, she balances out any depressive thoughts like this. They also try cooking new cuisines together which helps them to relax. They advise,
1. Do not argue over small things.
2. Do some DIY projects together for home decor.
3. Do things of common interest.

Just curate your formula of relationship together and ROCK this period, stay locked in LOVE forever since this lockdown is not forever!

 

Paromita is a leader in People Practices with a knack towards solving problems. An IIM Bangalore alumna and a story visualizer, her focus is on bridging the gap between education and industry by supporting fresh graduates to kickstart their career and helping the women to return to the workforce after mandatory breaks. 

She wants to make the world a better place to live for every life on earth. She is a passionate animal lover, loves to write poetry and her encounters with ghosts (real or imaginary :)) during her leisure. She believes if there is a will, any relationship can go long run with the right balance.
The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the article belong solely to the author.

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James
James
July 26, 2020 6:32 pm

Excellent article and inspirational too…Good one Paromita

Piyu Dutta
Piyu Dutta
July 31, 2020 1:55 am

Great practical tips to keep the relationship strong. Enjoyed reading it.